get up, stand up.

there's been a lot of talk about bullying this past few days. 

there's this video, 

which by the way, made me bawl. 

and of course, the recent Extreme Makeover: Home edition episode, which as always, tore my heart apart. ( i mean, come on, every episode i watch i need a box of tissue and closed doors, i tell you, its never pretty)

Being a mom (still can't believe i'm allowed to say this out loud now), bullying really is one of my concerns. i know its a bit too early, it will be some more years before the twins start school. But believe me, when you reach this point in a woman's life, you worry about all sorts of things in such exaggerated levels, and you will promise yourself you will do anything you can to prevent anything from harming your beloved.

Bullying, particularly here, is a very serious problem. And i don't know how much more i can stress this, but how many more children do we need to die or hurt themselves before we realize this? All those deaths would've been prevented if we only had a little bit more compassion towards each other. if we only understood first and judge less.

I myself have been bullied, i think most of us were at one point or another.

my first ever recollection of which was when i was in 1st or 2nd grade, when three busmates who i considered as friends forced me to touch a very hot light bulb or they'll hit me with their wooden ruler. I can still hear their high pitch laughter as i pleaded. It may not sound like much, but to a kid, having that happen to you, and done by people who you trust, it is traumatizing. I remember finally giving in and touching the bulb (not just touch and go btw, i had to HOLD it for quite a while) and coming down the bus shaking in tears, both from my burnt finger and from fear. I never wanted to tell my mom what happened, i promised my friends i wouldn't. But when your 7-year old child comes home with swollen red eyes and a blistered finger, you'd go to hell and back to make sure whoever caused her this would pay. my mom eventually got it out from me, called the bus operator, who then called the parents of the 3 kids, and the following day, i got a sincere apology. they thought i was being overly dramatic when i said it would hurt and said that they didn't mean to hurt me hurt me. that was the last incident i had with them, but then again, we were never again the same after that. i isolated myself, and from then on, had been more wary about who to trust.

I changed schools in third grade, which i remember was both scary and exciting. coming from an all girls school and transferring to a co-ed one, i didn't know what to expect. boys for one scared the sh*t out of me, funny as it may sound. (they still scare me sometimes, or "confuse" is maybe the better term) But i got lucky, i found amazing friends. and while there is still a certain amount of bullying here and there, we were just a happy bunch of kids that no bad day can not be turned around by an ice cream pop and running around the school playing cops and robbers. And while i was always my own type of nerdy (dorky, good grades, dance club 3-4th grade, glee club 5th, and COOKING club 6th haha!) I wasn't singled out and picked on. and i tried, as well, not to pick on someone else. (i TRIED. im no saint, maybe i hurt someone without really meaning to and for that im sorry)

I hit bottom though in High School. I'd suddenly break down, usually at lunch time, crying and hurting myself, most times for no apparent reason. I just have this immense amount of sadness and pain inside which i then can not understand. it scared me, and i knew it scared the people around me too. I would dig my fingers in my skin, sometimes until it bled, just to feel numb to it. (looking back, i believe its due to an undiagnosed clinical depression. its not emo. its real)

why am i sharing this now? because i want to point out something. hitting rock bottom? we all get there. people tearing us down? there's always going to be AT LEAST one person to play that part. But believe me when I say that it does get better. 

surround yourself with people who aren't afraid to understand you. it might take a while, but you will learn to filter out the bad and hold on to the good. And please, now that you have an idea just how something you think is nothing may affect someone else, try to be a little bit more compassionate. everyone is fighting their own battle, is what they say. and it is true. 

Everyone, but most especially kids, needs to know and be taught that bullying is NEVER ok. and that if they are bullied, its ok to speak out and seek help and support. there will be people who are willing to give a hand, a shoulder, or their whole self for you. I got lucky, but not everyone does. In a society which teaches you to fight or stay hidden, to judge or be judged, to hate instead of love, to condemn before you understand, to shout rather than listen, strive to BE the exception. 

and on this note, i'd like to take a stand, together with 100,000+ (and counting) people, to stop bullying. I know, in a universe as big as ours, I am but a little speck. this post might not even be read by a lot of people. but in my own little way, i want to do something. send something out there hoping to be seen by those who seeks for a spark of hope. this might not save all of them, but maybe i can save just one, and to me, that's more than enough. 

go to www.standtogether.tv to take the same pledge. It may not sound like much but its a start.

P.S. I know i'm supposed to print it out, but i have no access to a printer right now. but it matters to me that i get this out ASAP :)